This is especially so when each spouse sticks to their guns or refuses to apologise – even when they are proved to have been wrong. Men are especially difficult in this regard. They find it very embarrassing to have to say, “I am sorry.” This is unfortunate since they should lead by example. Women tend to be ready to apologise once they find out that they were wrong on a matter.
Men, on the other hand, will look for ways and means of explaining away their wrongness so that they can get away with not apologizing to their spouse. This is actually not clever at all. In fact, in the long run, the woman will also stop apologizing for anything she does or says wrongly. As a result the whole marriage begins to slide into areas of indifference, and indifference very quickly turns into dislike then eventually into hatred. We think the worst curse for any marriage is when you find out that you hate the person you are married to.
So, how do you say, “I am sorry?” well, couples differ in their approaches. Some prefer to buy their loved one some nice flowers and apologizing as they hand over the bouquet. Others will buy their loved one a lovely present such as a dress or a shirt for this purpose. The easiest way is to simply take your best friend aside and apologise to him or her verbally.
Each couple will need to decide on the approach that best suits them. An important factor is that you do not want to find yourself in a situation where you are apologizing too often. Good communication and consultation on most family matters will ensure that the two of you work together as a team and none of you makes serious decisions without consulting the other.
When you refuse to say, “I am sorry” you reduce your spouse to the level of a child. This is rather demeaning to them and may result in lack of trust and lack of confidence in the marriage. It may also result in high levels of insecurity, especially in relation to the wife. As we noted in an earlier contribution to this column, insecurity in a marriage can seriously inhibit personal and even sexual fulfilment.
A wise spouse will periodically check with their mate whether there is anything wrong or misplaced or worrying them that has to do with their spouse. Spouses should not be taken for granted. There are some spouses who will not speak unless they are asked if something is wrong. There are others that may be wrong but are oblivious to their error and will need it to be pointed out to them. While it is not smart to always be actively pointing out your spouse’s errors, it is equally damaging to the relationship to be turning a blind eye to mistakes that can easily be corrected.
It is not a sign of cowardice to apologise to your spouse for any wrong committed. It is, actually, a sign of love and devotion. It is an admission that like all other people, you are also human. They say to err is human. Get off the high horse that gives the impression that you are never wrong. Your marriage is too important to be spoiled by mere pride.
Post published in: Relationships