She remained spritely, well into her eighties and was as strict as a headmistress. She possessed an acerbic tongue to match the swing of her arm. One day, while visiting her, my older brother and I were home alone.
Grandmother was at Thursday church service (kuChina). My brother strung up some empty cool drink bottles in a peach tree on looped pieces of string so that the bottles swayed in the breeze. He stood about 20 paces back and began to shoot pebbles at the bottles using his catapult. Each time a pebble found its mark I clapped and yelled ‘bull’s eye!’
Grandmother’s red Methodist tunic suddenly appeared in the orchard. My brother froze, with catapult pulled back and I with the word ‘bull’s eye’ stuck in my throat. I figured we would get away without a beating, seeing as she had just returned from spiritual renewal at church.
I couldn’t have been more wrong. She went through four peach tree branches on us. I wailed, shouting futile protestations, through a snot-covered face, about ‘it wasn’t me, I did not shoot one pebble!’ While swinging her stick, grandmother responded, ‘wapururudza benzi richipisa dura!’ (You cheered while the village idiot burnt the granary).
Sanctions & sovereignty
It had been a while since Robert Mugabe said anything against the West. In Parliament, during the now forgotten 10-point plan speech, he kept his address brief. There were indications of a back-track on the indigenisation policy. And then he went to the UN.
‘We equally reject attempts to prescribe “new rights†that are contrary to our values, norms, traditions and beliefs,’ Mugabe said, in obvious reference to gay rights.
Zimbabwe is in crisis: power outages last 10 hours a day, over 90% jobless, 1,5million facing starvation after a poor harvest, drought predicted in 2015-16. This was a rare opportunity for Mugabe to mend bridges.
Instead, he spoke about same-sex relations. I tried to make sense of his speech, but couldn’t find a shred of logic; no amount of gay-bashing will create jobs and Mugabe’s hot air – no matter how hot – will never heat my stove.
Mugabe is old and possibly er, um – no longer the same. How else can one explain the illogical decisions coming out of Munhumutapa Building: VP of an impoverished country lives in a hotel for nine months, more gratuities for war vets, three cabinet reshuffles within nine months?
No brain is immune to the ageing process. But what is inexcusable is what happens next. Enter Simon Khaya-Moyo, running ahead of Mugabe, like some latter day king’s fore-runner, chanting praise poetry, imbongi yenkosi. All that was missing was leopard skins and a shield. ‘He (Mugabe) did not only speak for Zimbabwe but uplifted the spirit of Africa in his eloquent and free lecture, particularly to the West. Clearly the bullies of this world must have trembled to hear the President speak,’ Khaya-Moyo eulogised.
We can scream about ‘sovereignty’ until we grow hoarse. But let’s face it; ‘sovereignty’ is no edible fruit. It is stupid to speak ‘sovereignty’ when tattered flags fly on the masts of every government building and American dollars sustain what little business remains. It is for Benjamin Franklin and Queen Elizabeth that we wait in long queues at Western Union. Hong Kong hospitals keep the president’s pulse beating.
The hackneyed attacks on Western nations seem a bit like a boy learning to ride a bicycle unassisted. He constantly looks over his shoulder to see if daddy is watching. Britain took away the training wheels long ago but we still want them to hold the bicycle. If we truly are a ‘sovereign nation’ why do we keep seeking external validation?
Singing for his supper
Everybody knows that Khaya-Moyo narrowly escaped the Zanu (PF) December purge which came disguised as an ‘elective congress.’ Some party members accused him of being a ‘gamatox.’ By some devilish miracle, he survived but lost the VP position to Phelekezela Mphoko, when he looked a obvious choice to succeed the late John Nkomo.
He must have figured this was a perfect opportunity to prove his loyalty to the president. Ambassador Khaya-Moyo is a career diplomat. Yet instead of attempting damage control, he cheered as Mugabe torched the granary.
Land deals reversed
Within three months of taking over the ministry of local government from Ignatius Chombo, Saviour Kasukuwere has done the unthinkable. Several land owners – including members of the police force (720 plots of land), ministry of women’s affairs (70 plots) and Johanne Marange church (10) plots – who received residential properties during the tenure of Chombo have had their title rescinded.
Curiously, the plots of land were issued two months before the 2013 elections. Vote-buying or pure coincidence? You make up your own mind. One letter from Kasukuwere’s ministry reads:
‘We write to advise that the offer has been withdrawn. This has been necessitated by the fact that the land acquisition over lot one of Caledonia farm, which has been earmarked for residential stands, was aborted by the ministry of Lands Rural Resettlement after the latter considered the indigenous ownership of the property, among other reasons. We sincerely apologise for any inconveniences this reversal may have caused.’
Kasukuwere may as well have put a smiley face at the end. ‘Apologise for any inconvenience?’ One wonders how many of the recipients had already fenced off their plots, or begun building. The reversal of the land deals is an apparent move by Kasukuwere’s faction against Chombo in the endless Zanu (PF) Mugabe succession wrangle.
In one televised speech Kasukuwere lambasted party members who conveniently carry beacons in their pockets and go around pegging plots for resale wherever they go – ‘kufamba nehoko muhomwe,’ Kasukuwere so eloquently put it. Chombo is believed to own property in every town.
During his divorce case in 2010, Chombo’s assets were listed, showing properties in Harare, Norton, Chinhoyi, Banket, Chirundu, Kariba, Ruwa, Mutare, Beitbridge, Binga, Victoria Falls, Zvimba, Chitungwiza, Mvurwi, Chiredzi, Hwange and Magunje. Even Donald Trump would give him a standing ovation. In 2013, Ignatius Chombo ordered a land audit in Chitungwiza – an exercise which cost the rate payers over $300,000 – to investigate corrupt property sales. Two years after the audit, no land barons have been arrested.
Property rights
Quite frankly, I do not care one bit about the Zanu (PF) succession battle. I would not even flinch if one day they all fed each other hamburgers sprinkled with crushed glass. But I am concerned about the implications of these land deal reversals. The people who have had their property retaken either held title deeds or were in the process of applying for deeds. Nothing proves ownership more than title deeds. What is to stop government from taking back any land from other owners? What message does this send to anyone pondering investment in Zimbabwe? – Till next week, my pen is capped. JerÃ