I am a young lady aged 22 and my mother is 38, she had me when she was young. She is currently dating a man five years younger than her and I honestly don’t see her as my mother but my sister. That is how I grew up knowing her – as my grandmother was trying to avoid the community from stigmatising her. So the problem now is that we are getting close with her boyfriend, who is supposed to be my stepfather.
I am beginning to have some strong feelings for him and I am suspecting he is feeling the same way for me. I don’t want to hurt my mum but I will be miserable seeing him every time and having to treat him like my father. I am afraid we will end up seeing each other behind my mother’s back. The best thing is for him to be out of our lives if things are going to be okay. What do you think? – Nicola
Dear Nicola
Oh no dear! This is a love roller coaster you are about to get yourself into. You need to set your heart a boundary. Of course your mother’s boyfriend may be attractive to you – but you need to consider that he is your mother’s man and you do not want to cross that line. If you end up in a relationship with him it can only bring you grief. You will upset your mother and injure the relationship you have with her.
You are absolutely right that you are better off not seeing him. Also you need to talk to your mother. It is good that you two have been treating each other as sisters, which probably makes things easier to talk heart to heart easily. Sit her down and speak openly about your feelings about her man and be clear on your fear that you may end up seeing him – especially considering he may be an interested party.
Matters of the heart are difficult to handle because what the heart takes in is not easy to let go. The commitment the heart gives despite the issue being unreasonable is unbreakable. It is important that you come out in the open with your mother. Things will turn out nasty if you two start seeing each other behind her back. It will break your relationship with your mother and you don’t want that. – Aunty Lisa
Post published in: Letters to the Editor