My sister I am caught in between the people I love. I’m in love with a Xhosa woman in South Africa and I am a Shona man from Zim. We have been dating for almost a year. My parents will not approve of her, they are too cultured and they are threatening to disown me if I marry her.
They will not accept her because she does not speak Shona and she does not know our culture. I love her so much yet I also love my parents so much, I don’t want to lose them. I just want you to put yourself in my shoes and tell me what you would do? Do you think I’m crazy for loving someone from a different tribe? – Brighton
Dear Brighton
One thing I know about love is that it knows no race nor tribe. You are not crazy for falling in love with a Xhosa woman; you will only be crazy if you let anyone tell you that loving a foreigner is wrong.
Yes you need to stay in a good relationship with your parents – despite them threatening that they will disown you. But at the same time you need to stick with the woman you love. If talking and explaining to your parents how you really feel about her is not helping, give them time to come to terms with it.
They will be very hurt to lose you as a son and I doubt whether they would really take such a step. You cannot blame your mother for wishing for a daughter-in-law from her own tribe, a woman who will understand her and her culture as well as what is expected of her in your family. Your father too probably has his ideal daughter in law who will kneel down to wash his hands, call him not by his name but by his totem, etc. But nothing is impossible.
The most important thing they need to understand is that you are not going to marry a woman for their sakes. You are the one who will spend rest of your life with the woman you choose as your wife – not them.
If you can convince them of your love for her then you will overcome all the criticism, the cold shoulders, the gossip your friends and other relatives. It is also important that you explain to her that she will need to be strong and fight for what you both believe in.
It will be unfair for her not to know what your parents are thinking and she will be ambushed with any possible negative comments, which will be heartrending. – Aunty Lisa
Post published in: Lifestyle